eseessaythat

Tony was a notoriously poor student who somehow managed to skate through school without so much as a single essay written. However, his high school English teacher Mr. Campbell was a hard nosed intellectual who wouldn’t let Tony get away with slacking, no matter how smooth Tony talked or how much money his father had in the bank.

So Mr. Campbell issued an ultimatum: either Tony produced an essay showcasing everything he knew about the English language or Mr. Campbell would have him expelled.

Tony worked and slaved, using the English skills he didn’t have crafting an essay in order to keep himself in school. When the essay was completed, he couldn’t tell if it was any good or not. He asked the butler to read it over.

The butler scanned over the essay with a bored look,but then suddenly became riveted with something on the page. Frantic, he looked from the essay to Tony and then back to the essay again.

“That-- that-- that...” he sputtered, pointing to something on the essay page. “That...”

The butler’s body seized up and he fell to the floor. He was dead as a doornail.

Tony was disturbed over the butler’s death but didn’t realize that it was his essay that had killed him. Unaware, he stuffed that dangerous essay into his bag and headed to school,

It was during lunch that he remembered his essay. He asked a lunch lady to read it over for him.

“That-- that-- that...” she sputtered, face looking like she had smelled something unpleasant. “That-- that--”

The lady fell face first into the tuna surprise. Dead as a doornail.

School was dismissed early due to the woman’s untimely death. At home, Tony’s older sister and her punk boyfriend were the only ones in the house. The boyfriend upturned Tony’s pack and dumped his books on the floor. He mistakenly thought that the essay was a love letter.

As he read over it, his body stiffened and he began to stutter. “That-- that-- that...” His eyes slid over to Tony and he lunged for him before his body hit the floor. It was then that Tony realized that the essay he had written was so bad it was capable of killing the reader.

Tony considered handing in that essay to Mr. Campbell briefly but deep down, he was a good guy so he didn’t. Mr. Campbell ended up tutoring Tony instead, which proved to be quite the undertaking since his English skills were so rotten.

silkcherryblossoms
2011-07-31