|# of links in review||10|
|# of reviews||39|
Tori’s class went on a sailing trip after school got out for the summer. Even though they had checked the weather before leaving and had followed their packing lists to a T, they were not prepared for what would come next.
It was upsetting when it started raining, but no one was in distress just yet, just disappointed that the weather forced them below deck. But later, when the waves got rougher and rougher, they did become distressed.
After the waves began tipping the boat so that everything that wasn’t tied down was swept out to sea, the captain sent out a distress signal to the coastguard.
It felt like hours passed since the distress signal went out, and yet no one appeared to rescue them. Then, just when they felt hope was lost, a large coastguard liner appeared.
When Isabel was 16 she fell in love at first sight with the most handsome sailor she had ever seen. She caught the handsome sailor’s eye and he asked her to go out with him.
They had an amazing evening together. Isabel was swept away and found herself in bed with the sailor that night. Visions of a beautiful wedding were dancing in her head. She wanted to share the rest of her life with the sailor. But when she awoke the next morning, she found him dressing and packing his bags. “I have to leave and return to my ship.” he told her.
“Let me leave with you!” Isabel begged of the sailor. “I could learn to live and work on the ship!”
But the sailor refused, telling her it was no place for a lady. When he returned to the ship, his friends (noticing his absence last night) began to tease him and ask for details.
“What’s her name?” asked one of them.
“I don’t know.” the sailor shrugged and replied. “I never bother to learn their names. I’m just going to leave the next day anyway.”
Buddy was a bad mall cop. He wanted to be good, but he was overweight and out of shape and didn’t really care about his job. To make matters worse, he played “Bad to the Bone” often while policing the mall. The mallrats who lived for making mall cops look bad thrived under Buddy.
One day Buddy accidentally dropped a cinnamon roll he’d been eating on the ground (OK, more like an entire box of cinnamon rolls). A shoplifter who was walking by at the time slipped on them and fell, spilling stolen items out onto the ground. And then Buddy himself slipped and fell on top of the shoplifter, trapping him until the police showed up.
From that day on, Buddy wasn’t known as a bad mall cop: he was known as a bad-ass mall cop, and all the mallrats respected him.
It was a dark and stormy day as Sara walked through the rain. She reached into her bag to find her clarinet. She brought it to her lips and then began to play.
Suddenly the wind and rain stopped and the clouds parted to reveal the light of the sun’s bright rays. The sky was clear and birds began to sing.
This golden clarinet she’d received as a gift from the gods was really quite handy for brightening up her day.
Bianca’s girl scout troop was going on a field trip to the local chicken coop.
“Mom, I want a girl chick.” Bianca told her mom.
“Well, sweetie, I’m not really sure how to tell a girl chick from a boy. Let’s ask.”
As it turns out, it’s really hard to tell until the chicks grow up. Her troop leader made her best guess but wasn’t completely sure.
“We’ll need to keep the chicks heated for a while and gradually get them used to room temperature. In a few weeks, if your parents say it’s ok, each girl can take a chick home to raise.”
When it was time to bring a chick home, Bianca chose hers, hopeful that hers was a girl. She wanted a girl chicken so she could name her Henny Penny.
But as Henny Penny grew up, she got a red comb and her wattle grew large. Henny Penny was a rooster. Bianca kept calling her “girl” chicken Henny Penny anyway, and in return “she” woke her each morning with a loud “cock-a-doodle-doo”!
When a new boy joined her middle school class, Sasha noticed something interesting. She would always see him pray. It wasn’t just before lunch or just before a test. It seemed no matter what was happening she could always look over and see him pray. At first she tried not to notice, but after a while she couldn’t stop thinking about it. A little chat with God was good, sure, but why was it that she would always see him praying?
Sasha was determined to find out why she always saw him praying. The next day at lunch she walked over to his desk. As always, she could see him praying. He didn’t seem to be stopping any time soon, so she finally tapped him on the shoulder.
“Why are you always praying?” she asked.
The little boy laughed. “I’m not always praying! Look!” He showed her a cell phone in his hands. She had been wrong! He was always texting!
While walking along the beach, a woman found a magic lamp. When she rubbed it a genie came out and granted her one wish.
“One wish?” said the woman, “Isn’t it supposed to be three wishes?”
“No, just one wish.” said the genie.
The woman thought long and hard. She could wish for money or a big house, but those things would run out. What she really wanted was fame. If she was famous enough, she would have all the money she needed anyway.
“OK,” said the woman to the genie, “I know my wish. I want to be a star!”
“Your wish is my command.” said the genie.
And now the woman is a giant sphere of gas orbited by small planets in another solar system in our galaxy.
“I gave you an order, soldier! Do it now!” The commander shouted at a trembling soldier.
“But sir, it’ll get me killed!” The nervous soldier replied.
“Listen to me, you maggot! An order from a superior is absolute and to be carried out at once, as in right now!”
The soldier hesitated for only a moment. “Sir, yes, sir!” and he ran out of the trenches and began acting like a chicken in no-man’s-land. Bullets whizzed past his helmet as he cried softly to himself, afraid for his life.
The commander chuckled. This was fun. But all too soon the soldier was shot and killed. Now he would have to come up with new orders for his troops to keep himself entertained.
Sweaty Sam was known all through the town to be the luckiest guy around! Sam’s lucky secret was all his luck came from his own sweat! He discovered if he wore clothes that were sweaty he would always pass his tests, win the football games and get the girls to go out with him. Although most girls didn’t understand why they would ever go out with Sam. He always stunk and never seemed to wear clean clothes!
Sweaty smelly Sam would take the girls to the fair where his sweaty luck won a prize at each booth he went to. On days Sam wanted to miss school, mother nature would throw a freak snow day his way. Anytime he wanted to see a concert, he would call up a radio station for a giveaway and inevitably win after the very first ring of the phone.
For one whole year before Sam’s 21st birthday he avoided washing 7 of his shirts to make sure they would be extra sweaty for his trip to Las Vegas. During his trip his luck just kept right on going. He was so lucky he was kicked out of every casino on the strip, for fear they would go broke. Sweaty Sam even made the front page of the papers as being the luckiest man in Vegas history!
Long ago there was a town called Honesty, in the kingdom of Toes, where telling the truth was a matter of life or death. Every Queen was given a special gift by the eldest magician in the kingdom. With this gift the Queen would know if someone was telling her something that was true or false. The gift came in the form of an additional toe. In order for the gift to work, her subjects had to see her toe.
At all times she had three servants with her: one whose job it was to constantly keep her toes clean, another that was there to command anyone who approached the queen to see her toe, and a third for pulling up the Queens skirt to reveal the true toe. As soon as the command to “see her toe” was uttered the person would immediately kneel and look directly at her toe.
On the tip of her right foot next to her big toe there was a second big toe. This toe was made up of a glowing golden light, resembling a light bulb. Every time someone would say something that was true the light would turn blue. If a person tried to lie it would immediately turn red and that person was sentenced to death. Everyone in the kingdom knew that when the light went blue that was true and when the light went red that was dead!
Copyright 2008–2017 Chris Forno