There was once a weather forecaster in the Tahoe area named Bee Low. A drinking game was created in Tahoe just for people who watched Bee Low’s weather forecast. Anytime she said below or low you were supposed to drink. One day almost everyone in town was drunk after her weather forecast.

“Tahoe is going to be getting some temperatures below normal for this time of year. The last time it was this cold in Tahoe was when the low was fifteen degrees below average. Tahoe is getting all of this chilly air because of a **low **pressure system that came in below Tahoe on Friday night. It is amazing that Tahoe hasn’t received much snow this year. We are well below average for snowfall in Tahoe. If the weather in Tahoe is making your feel low this year rest assured that you aren’t alone. Areas outside of Tahoe are having record lows this year too.”

Bee Low thanked her viewers for watching the weather in Tahoe on April Fools Day.

The little owl woke up and saw that the sun was beginning to slide down out of the sky. He nestled closer to his mom and woke her up.

“Mommy, is it night?” She smoothed his feathers and said, “Not yet my little night owl. But, before you know it the moon will wake up and will climb higher into the sky. Just not yet.”

The little owl closed his eyes, and tried to wait patiently. After a short while he woke his mom again. “Mommy, is it night?” She gave him a little nuzzle and said, “Not yet my little night owl. But, before you know it the stars will appear and it will be night. But, not yet.”

The little owl sat and watched as night surrounded his tree. Finally he couldn’t stand it anymore. “Mommy” he said. “You can’t say "not yet" again, because it really is night now.”

The Mommy owl chucked and looked around at the night sky. “You are right. This time I can’t say “not yet” because it really is night. The moon is high in the sky, the stars are up, and it is time for you to get up and eat.”

The little owl fluttered his wings, and said, “I love the night and I love it when you don’t say “not yet.”

A woman who had been accused of poisoning her husband was on the stand being questioned by the District Attorney or D.A. The woman had been on the stand for hours and the D.A. was asking her questions over and over again trying to get her to accidentally admit to killing her husband.

The D.A. asked the woman, “What did you serve your husband for dinner on the night he died?”

The woman said, “I told you that I made soup.”

The D.A. followed up with the question, “Did you put poison in the soup?”

The woman was frustrated, “I said that I didn’t put poison in the soup.”

The D.A. sensed that the woman was at the end of her patience, so he decided to push some more. “What kind of soup did you put the poison in?”

“I said that I didn’t put the poison in the soup.” She replied clearly annoyed.

“Did you eat the soup?” the D.A. asked.

“I told you that I ate the soup. Why wouldn’t I? The poison was in his wine.” The woman answered quickly.

“The defense rests. I told you she poisoned her husband.” The D.A. said.

The door to a real estate office swung open and in walked a very hairy guy who was wearing a lot of gold chains. He slammed a list down on the front desk, and told the real estate agent that he wanted to see all of these estates. The realtor looked over the list and was surprised. All of these estates were worth at least two million dollars. She jumped right up and almost tripped on her chair. She was very excited to show this hairy guy all of these estates. Dollar signs flashed in front of her eyes. These estates were the nicest estates in town.

She arranged for them to see three of these estates and they hopped in her car. As they were driving she asked him why he was interested in these estates. His answer was very vague. When they got to the first estate, he seemed like he was looking for something. He kept taking pictures off of the wall. When they got to the second estate he seemed very interested in a gun safe that was in the closet.

As they were leaving, she asked him which of these two estates he liked the best. He said that they were both nice, but of all three of these estates he was sure he was going to like the third one the best. She smiled, of all three of these estates the third one was the most expensive. They pulled up to the third estate just in time to see 4 police cars and 2 ambulances.

He smiled, and said, “I don’t need to see any more of these estates. My business transaction has been completed. I just needed to check to make sure the guy from the first estate paid the guy from the second estate to kill the guy at the third estate." With those last words he shot her.

Veronica was a bride with a problem. She had a secret that she was prepared to take to her grave and it was something she was definitely determined to keep from her groom, Barney. Especially, since her secret was directly related to his livelihood. Barney’s family owned a vineyard and Veronica could not drink even a sip of wine without getting the worst gas known to mankind unless she took beano first.

Veronica bought beano by the caseload and always kept some on hand since wine always flowed when she was with Barney. Unfortunately, her step-sister, Thelma knew about this secret and decided that she was tired of Veronica and her bride-zilla ways and she vowed to get even with her on her wedding day.

Thelma knew that there would be a lot of wine at the reception and she also knew that Veronica was planning on taking her beano before the wedding so that her bum wouldn’t sound like a trumpet. Thelma emptied the beano bottle and replaced it with sugar pills. Veronica was none the wiser and happily popped what she thought was beano into her mouth right before the reception.

Veronica was having a great time at her wedding reception. She danced, she laughed, and she drank wine, and even though she began to feel a little bloated she didn’t worry at all because she knew she had taken her beano. It came time for the toasts, and a fresh glass of wine was poured for her. As she held the microphone with all eyes on her the unspeakable happened. Her bum trumpeted so loudly that everyone but her groom gasped. She turned to tell him that she always takes beano before drinking wine, and that she didn’t know what had happened. He began laughing and told her that he also has to take beano. They vowed to never take beano again and they trumpeted happily ever after.

There once was a young movie star who was tarnishing her reputation. She partied too much, got caught stealing, and she even refused to recycle. One afternoon she was in court because she had been caught throwing a beer can out the window. The judge decided that it was time for her to learn a lesson. He sentenced her to house arrest and gave her a job she had to complete before she was allowed to leave her house. The judge said that a floor was very significant because you look at it every day. He ordered her to use recycled material to create a floor with a peace sign pattern so that she would be reminded each day when she looked at the floor that she should be living a life full of peace.

The starlet took the judge’s message to heart and began working on her peace floor. She created a beautiful peace sign on the floor in front of her door to remind herself to live a life of peace. Unfortunately she used beer cans, bottles, old bongs, and some stolen merchandise to create the peace sign on her floor….so, she always left the house wanting to have a drink, a smoke, and to steal a few things.

My mother had always wanted to live overseas. She talked about it nonstop. You can imagine my mother’s surprise when my father came home and told her he had gotten a job in Madrid.

“Madrid?” my mother asked with a huge smile on her face.

My mother was thrilled. She immediately began making plans for our new lives. My mother insisted that we all start taking Spanish lessons immediately. My dad told my mother that he didn’t think we would need to speak Spanish in Madrid. My mother was appalled.

My mother said, “We must learn to speak Spanish to live in Madrid.”

He just shrugged his shoulders and continued to make plans for our new life. It was finally time for us to move to Madrid. My mother couldn’t even sleep the day before the mover’s came. My mother asked the movers how long it would take for our furniture to get to there. The mover looked at her strangely but didn’t answer.

Later he told me, “Tell your mother the furniture will get to Madrid right around the same time she does.”

My mother was so thrilled when we left for Madrid. When we were loaded in the car my father said he just needed to program the GPS. I guess we all assumed that he didn’t remember the way to the airport. However, my mother watched as he plugged in the words: Madrid, Iowa. We all began to laugh, but my mother began to cry.

Have you ever walked into a bathroom to find someone playing the banjo for tips? You have probably come across the person in the bathroom who will give you a squirt of soap or a towel who wants a tip, but a person playing the banjo is an entirely different story.

Let’s admit it. Banjo music in the bathroom is not soothing. Most people have never walked into a bathroom and thought that the whole bathroom experience might be better if there was some banjo music. It’s honestly quite creepy to have a person playing a banjo when you walk into the bathroom with a hat on the counter to collect their tips. I highly recommend that if you discover a bathroom with a banjo player that you turn right around and walk out of that bathroom door because I doubt you want to be in a Deliverance sequel.

My brother had always wanted to be an airman. He was an airman for three Halloweens in a row when he was little. My brother talked about being an airman all of the time. The day he turned 18 my brother told a recruiter that he wanted to be an airman. Unfortunately, my brother could not be an airman because he had asthma.

My brother was very sad that he couldn’t be an airman. His life spiraled out of control because his dreams of being an airman had been crushed. He turned to a life of crime. One day my brother robbed a guy that had an airman bumper sticker on his car. My brother stole his uniform and went everywhere dressed as an airman. He even went on base dressed as an airman. Unfortunately, my brother was on base one day when there was an emergency mission, and he found himself in the copilot seat. My brother had a panic attack in the airman uniform since he had never had any training and the rest is history.

Sarah Cleaver was a new teacher who loved to make lists. Her favorite list was a list that had all of the names of the smart kids written in pencil. She thought it was quite clever to write this list in pencil so that she could erase the names of students who had not been smart that day. She also added names to her list. If a student said something clever or did something smart she would make sure their name was on the list.

She would email the list to parents each day, so that they would know if their child had been smart or clever that day. Parents all over town bragged when their child’s name was on Ms. Cleaver’s smart list and they cried when their child wasn’t on the list of clever and smart children.

One day, however, things changed. A new family moved to town. They didn’t think much of this list of smart and clever children. They complained to the principal about the list. They told the school board that this list of smart and clever children was not ethical. They went down their list of important people to contact until they found someone who was smart enough to help them.

Ms. Cleaver’s name is now on a list. A list of teachers who are not smart enough to teach.